Let’s talk about the invisible backpack.
You know the one I mean. It’s that heavy weight you strap on every morning before you walk out the door. You take it into the office, the grocery store, and even into bed at night. From the outside, you probably look like you’ve got it all together. You’re hitting deadlines, you’re smiling at your neighbors, and you’re keeping the tiny humans (or fur babies) alive. But on the inside? It feels like you are navigating a minefield without a map.
This is the tricky thing about trauma. We tend to think of it as a single, explosive event in the past. But in reality, trauma isn’t just what happened to you; it’s the residual energy left inside of you. It is your nervous system staying stuck in “survival mode” long after the threat has passed.
Trying to function normally when your internal alarm system is blaring is, well… exhausting. (Understatement of the year, right?) You might be asking yourself, “How do I make it stop? How do I just get through the day without feeling like I’m going to snap or shut down?”
Here is the plan. We need to distinguish between functioning (keeping the ship afloat right now) and healing (repairing the hull for the long haul). You don’t have to fix everything today. You just need the right tools to navigate the waves.
What does living with trauma look like day-to-day?
Living with trauma often looks like high-functioning exhaustion. It isn’t always dramatic flashbacks; it can be subtle things like chronic fatigue, difficulty making simple decisions, irritability, or a constant feeling of brain fog. You might feel on edge (hypervigilance) or completely numb, even when everything around you seems safe.
We have to move past the Hollywood version of PTSD. Sure, sometimes trauma looks like a dramatic panic attack in a crowded room. But more often, especially for the high-functioning folks we see at True North, it looks much quieter.
It looks like needing a two-hour nap after a 20-minute trip to Target because your brain was scanning for danger the entire time. It looks like snapping at your partner over a dirty dish because your nervous system has zero bandwidth left for frustration. It looks like checking out or staring at your computer screen for an hour, unable to start an email because your brain has slipped into a freeze state.
This is what we call the “hidden tax” of trauma. Your body is spending so much energy managing invisible threats that you have very little fuel left for your actual life.
If this sounds like you, please hear this: You are not lazy. You are not crazy. You are tired. Your body has been running a marathon every single day without you even realizing it. Recognizing these subtle signs is the first step. You can’t manage what you don’t see.
What exactly is a trauma trigger, and how can I identify mine?
A trauma trigger is any sensory input—a sound, smell, or feeling—that your brain links to a past danger. It is like an old file opening on your computer when you didn’t click it. You can identify them by noticing when your mood or physical state shifts suddenly and intensely, seemingly out of nowhere.
Think of your brain as a really advanced, but sometimes glitchy, prediction machine. Its number one job is to keep you alive. When you go through something traumatic, your brain takes a snapshot of that moment. It records everything: the smell of the air, the tone of a voice, the way your stomach felt.
Later, when you encounter just one of those pieces in your safe, everyday life—maybe the smell of a certain cologne or a loud bang—your brain shouts, “Danger! We’ve seen this before!” It floods your body with stress hormones before your logical brain can catch up and say, “Wait, that was just a car backfiring.”
Identifying your triggers requires becoming a bit of a detective. We often look for external triggers, which are things outside of us:
- Specific places or crowds.
- Certain times of year (anniversaries).
- Loud noises or specific tones of voice.
But we also have internal triggers. These are trickier. A sudden feeling of loneliness, a rapid heartbeat from climbing stairs, or even feeling “trapped” in a conversation can set off the alarm.
When you feel that sudden shift—like you went from 0 to 60 in a second—pause. Ask yourself: What just happened in the last few minutes? What did I see, hear, or feel? That is your clue.
How do I stop being triggered by everyday situations?
To truly stop being triggered, you eventually need to resolve the underlying trauma through processing therapies like EMDR. However, in the short term, you can manage triggers by widening your window of tolerance. The goal here isn’t to never get triggered, but to recognize it quickly and recover faster so it doesn’t ruin your day.
I am going to be honest with you because that’s how we do things here. The irreverent answer to “How do I stop this?” is: You have to heal the root cause. You can trim the leaves of a weed all day (management), but until you pull it out by the root (processing), it will keep growing back.
However, we can’t always do that deep work on a Tuesday afternoon between meetings. So, for the day-to-day, we focus on management.
We want to expand your window of tolerance. Imagine your capacity to handle stress is a window. For many trauma survivors, that window is very narrow. One small thing—a spilled coffee, a rude email—tips you outside of the window, and you’re either exploding or shutting down.
We can’t just delete the trigger button. But we can change how we react to it.
- Name it. When the reaction starts, say to yourself, “I am triggered right now. I am safe, but my body thinks I’m not.”
- Separate past from present. Look around the room. Name three things you see that weren’t there when the original trauma happened. This helps your brain timestamp the present moment.
- Self-Compassion. Beating yourself up for being triggered just adds more stress. Try saying, “This makes sense. My body is trying to protect me. Thanks for the effort, body, but we are okay.”
What strategies help manage anxiety and hypervigilance?
When you are in a state of high anxiety or hypervigilance (fight or flight), you cannot think your way calm. You must use body-based tools to signal safety. Effective strategies include grounding techniques, engaging your five senses, moving your body to burn off adrenaline, or using cold water to reset your nervous system.
When you are spiraling into anxiety, your prefrontal cortex—the part of your brain that handles logic, math, and reason—essentially goes offline. It leaves the building. So, trying to tell yourself to “just calm down” is like trying to explain algebra to a cat. It’s not going to work.
You have to speak the body’s language. Your body is revving a gas pedal, preparing you to run from a tiger. You need to show it that there is no tiger.
Here are a few High Arousal tools we love:
- The 5-4-3-2-1 Game: This forces your brain back online. Name 5 things you see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you can taste.
- Shake it out: Literally. If you have a surge of adrenaline, go into the bathroom or close your office door and shake your arms and legs for 30 seconds. Animals do this instinctively after a scare. We humans tend to sit still and hold it in, which makes it worse.
- The Dive Reflex: Splash cold water on your face, or hold an ice pack to your chest/neck. This tricks your body into slowing your heart rate to conserve oxygen (a biological holdover from our swimming ancestors). It’s a hard reset for panic.
How do trauma symptoms impact mood, and what can I do about it?
Trauma can cause rapid mood swings, intense irritability, or deep depressive crashes. These aren’t personality flaws; they are signs of a dysregulated nervous system. To manage this, track your energy levels, practice radical acceptance of your current state, and use gentle movement or sensory comfort to lift yourself out of a slump.
Sometimes trauma isn’t anxiety; it’s the crash. We call this hypoarousal. It’s the flop response. You might feel heavy, numb, unmotivated, or suddenly hopeless.
Other times, it manifests as irritability. You aren’t actually mad at your spouse for breathing too loudly; your nervous system is just frayed, like a wire with the insulation stripped off. Everything feels too raw.
The shame spiral usually kicks in here. “Why am I so moody? I’m such a mess.”
Here is the fix: Stop judging the mood and start getting curious about the state.
- If you are in a slump (low energy): Don’t force yourself to “snap out of it.” Try gentle sensory input. Wrap up in a weighted blanket. Sip hot tea. Slowly stretch. You are trying to coax your system back online, not shock it.
- If you are irritable (spiky energy): You need space. Take an “adult timeout.” Step outside for fresh air. Put on noise-canceling headphones for 10 minutes.
Remember, a mood swing is just a weather pattern passing through. It doesn’t mean you are a bad person. It just means it’s raining right now.
How can I cope with flashbacks, nightmares, or intrusive memories?
Coping with intrusive memories requires “dual awareness”—keeping one foot in the present moment while acknowledging the memory. Techniques like the container exercise allow you to mentally store disturbing thoughts away until you are ready to process them in therapy, giving you control over when you engage with the past.
Flashbacks are terrifying because they feel like they are happening now. The timeline dissolves.
To cope, we use a concept called dual awareness. We want to validate that the memory is real, but remind the brain that it is over.
One of the best tools for this is the container exercise. This is something we often teach early on in therapy:
- Visualize a strong, secure container. It can be a vault, a chest, a tupperware—whatever works.
- Imagine taking the disturbing image, memory, or worry, and physically placing it inside the container.
- Close the container.
- Tell yourself, “I am putting this here for now. I will open it when I am with my therapist/support person. I don’t have to focus on it right now.”
This isn’t suppression. Suppression is shoving it down and pretending it doesn’t exist (which creates pressure). Containment is a conscious choice to set it aside for now so you can rest (or attend to whatever is most important at that moment), with the promise to return to it later when you are able to deal with it effectively.
How can I stop dwelling on past trauma when I’m trying to sleep?
Sleep is often the hardest time for trauma survivors because distractions disappear and the brain gets loud. To help, focus on sleep hygiene specifically for anxiety: avoid forcing sleep (which creates resistance), use cognitive shuffling to distract the brain, and create a wind-down routine that signals safety to your body.
Ah, the night shift. This is the most common complaint we hear. During the day, you are busy. You have tasks, noise, and people. But when your head hits the pillow and the house gets quiet, the defenses drop, and the memories creep in.
Trauma makes us fear vulnerability, and sleep is the ultimate vulnerable state. Your body might fight sleep because it feels unsafe to let your guard down.
To help reclaim your rest:
- The 20-Minute Rule: If you haven’t fallen asleep in 20 minutes, get up. Lying there tossing and turning trains your brain that Bed = Stress. Go to a dim room, read a boring book, or stretch until you are tired again.
- Cognitive Shuffling: Your brain wants to ruminate on problems. Give it a meaningless task instead. Pick a letter (like ‘A’) and think of a word that starts with it. Visualize that item. Then move to ‘B’. It occupies the language center of your brain so the worries can’t get in.
- Yoga Nidra: This is “sleep yoga” or a body scan. There are tons of free apps/videos for this. It guides your mind through your body parts, keeping your focus present so you don’t drift into the past. (If you find paying attention to your body triggering, skip this one.)
How do I cope with overwhelming emotions between sessions?
Therapy is hard work, and the “therapy hangover” is real. To cope between sessions, practice pacing—don’t try to heal everything at once. Build a resource team of friends, pets, or comfort objects, and give yourself permission to rest. Healing is a marathon, not a sprint.
If you are doing the deep work—like EMDR or other trauma processing—you might feel more tired or emotional for a day or two after a session. This is normal. You just did major work on your brain; you need recovery time.
Pacing is key. We live in a culture that wants instant results. “I went to therapy once, why am I not fixed?” But trauma healing is like hiking a mountain. If you sprint, you’ll burn out at the first mile.
- Build your Resource Team: This doesn’t just mean people. Your dog is a resource. Your favorite hiking trail is a resource. That playlist that makes you feel brave is a resource. Lean on them.
- Communicate with your people: You don’t have to tell them everything. A simple, “I’m working through some heavy stuff right now and might be a little quiet,” is often enough.
- Be gentle: Lower the bar. If you usually cook a gourmet dinner, maybe this week is frozen pizza. If you usually run 5 miles, maybe you walk 1. Give yourself permission to be in recovery mode.
Finding Your Steady Ground
Managing trauma day-to-day is a long process. It’s messy, it’s non-linear, and some days it feels like one step forward and two steps back.
But here is the bottom line: You do not have to carry that backpack forever.
You are already doing the brave work of just showing up. You are learning to read your compass again. By using these tools to manage the daily symptoms, you are buying yourself the space and stability you need to eventually do the deeper healing.
You don’t have to navigate this path alone. If you are in the Des Moines area (or anywhere in Iowa) and you are ready to have someone walk alongside you on your healing path, we are here.
At True North Therapy & Wellness, we specialize in helping adults put down the weight they’ve been carrying. Request an appointment today, and let’s start finding your way home.
About the Author
Jessica Draughn is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with 15 years of clinical experience supporting clients in West Des Moines, Iowa. A dedicated trauma specialist, she is notably Certified in EMDR by EMDRIA (EMDR International Association), a credential signifying she has met the highest standards of training for processing deep-rooted trauma. She is committed to helping high-functioning adults navigate the complex journey from “surviving” to true healing.
At True North Therapy & Wellness, Jessica provides compassionate, in-person individual therapy for adult clients using a robust blend of evidence-based modalities, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), and Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT). Her goal is to create a safe space where you can finally put down the weight you’ve been carrying and find your own True North.