So, you’ve started to look at your past with a bit more curiosity. Maybe you’ve even read our recent post, “How Do I Know If What I’ve Been Through ‘Counts’ as Trauma?”. It’s a big realization to have. But once you stop debating whether your experience was “bad enough,” you’re usually left with a much bigger “Now what?”
You might be noticing that your daily life feels a bit… off. Maybe you feel like you’re constantly waiting for a disaster that never comes. Or maybe you feel like you’re just watching your life happen from the sidelines. This is where the work of Trauma Therapy really begins.
It’s about realizing that your history isn’t just a story from years ago—it’s actually a map of how you’re living right now (while frustrating to realize, trust me, this is a big and necessary first step). But here is the truth: You aren’t broken. You are adapted. Your brain is just doing its best to keep you safe using old rules that don’t fit your current life. Let’s look at how those old “survival rules” are showing up in your world today.
Why do I feel anxious all the time for no reason?
You feel anxious because your nervous system is stuck in “high alert” mode. Even if nothing bad is happening right now, your body is still scanning for danger based on past experiences. It’s like having a home alarm system that is set too high—a light breeze sets it off just as much as a burglar would.
In the therapy world, we call this hypervigilance. But in real life, it just feels like you are “bracing for impact” while you’re trying to do something normal, like buy groceries or watch a movie. Your body doesn’t have a calendar; it just has a “safe” or “unsafe” switch. If you’ve been through trauma, that switch can get stuck in the “unsafe” position.
You might notice you jump when the toaster pops, or your heart starts racing when you get an unexpected email from your boss. This isn’t because you are “weak.” It’s because your body is a world-class protector. It’s trying to make sure you never get caught off guard again.
At True North, we don’t just want to help you “cope” with a loud alarm; we want to help you recalibrate it. We often use EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) to help your brain finally process those old, “stuck” memories. This essentially tells your nervous system that the war is over, allowing your alarm to settle back into the present moment. Alongside that deep work, we use Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to help you “unhook” from anxiety that will still pop up at times, as it does for all humans. It’s about resolving the past so the “unsafe” switch can finally relax, while giving you the tools to keep moving toward a life that feels meaningful and that you are actively directing.
Is it normal to not remember parts of my childhood?
Yes, this is very common. Your brain is also a world-class editor. If things were scary or overwhelming when you were little, your brain might “hide” those files so you could keep going. You don’t need a perfect video recording of your past to find healing in the present.
I hear this a lot: “I don’t remember much from when I was ten, so maybe I’m just making it all up.” First, let’s be clear—no one remembers everything from their childhood. But if you have “Swiss cheese” memories where big chunks of time are just… gone… that’s often a sign of protective partitioning. Your brain decided that not knowing was safer than knowing.
This often leads to a lot of shame or confusion. You might wonder if what you remember is “real” or if you’re “exaggerating.” Here is what I always tell my clients: Therapy is not a courtroom. We aren’t here to prove “past reality” to a jury. We are here to heal the impact of what you carry today.
If you feel the “echo” of a memory in your body—like a sudden knot in your stomach or a feeling of dread—that is enough to work with. Your body remembers the feeling even if your brain doesn’t have the footage. We focus on the “now” of your experience, because that is where the healing happens.
Why do I feel numb and disconnected from everything?
This feeling of being “checked out” is a survival state. When your system feels too much stress, it hits the “shutdown” button to protect you from being overwhelmed. While it often looks like depression, it’s actually your body’s way of trying to stay safe.
This is what is called Dissociative Shutdown. You might be going to work, making dinner, and saying the right things, but you feel like there’s a thick pane of glass between you and the rest of the world. You’re “fine,” but you aren’t really alive.
There is a huge overlap here with depressive symptoms. You might feel like your limbs are heavy, your brain is foggy, and nothing feels fun anymore. It’s easy to get mad at yourself and think you’re just being “lazy.” But at True North, we help clients bring in compassion-focused tools to help shift that perspective. We realize that this numbness is actually a profound act of self-protection: your body “turned the lights off” to save power because things felt too intense for too long.
And we help clients move forward with mindfulness tools. Not the kind where you sit perfectly still and think of nothing, but practical ways to slowly “turn the lights back on” in your body. It’s about learning how to feel safe enough to be “in” your life again, one small step at a time.
Why do I emotionally shut down or ‘check out’ during arguments with my partner?
You shut down because conflict feels like a threat to your safety, not just a disagreement. Your history may have taught you that being close to people can be dangerous. Whether you shut down, pick a fight, or try to “fix it” right now, these are all ways you’ve learned to survive.
Trauma shows up most clearly in our relationships because that is where we are most vulnerable. We all have “relational armor” that we put on when things get heated. Here are some examples:
- The Shutdown: You withdraw and disengage because the argument feels like a life-or-death situation to your nervous system.
- The Pre-emptive Strike (Fight): Yelling or criticizing. It feels safer to be the one “attacking” than to be the one getting hurt.
- The Chasing (Anxious Protection): This is the need to talk it out right now, even if it’s 2 AM. You can’t stand the idea of your partner being upset because “unresolved conflict” feels like an immediate threat to your safety.
In our practice, we supplement trauma-focused work like EMDR with other tools like Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) distress tolerance and emotion regulation skills. These help you stay “in the room” when things get tough. We also use ACT skills to help you be the partner you want to be in that moment, even when your history is screaming at you to run or fight.
The Journey of Re-Mapping
Recognizing these signs isn’t about giving yourself a “broken” label. It’s about autonomy. It’s about finally having a map of why you do what you do. Once you see the map, you can start to choose new paths.
Healing isn’t about reaching a perfect “endpoint” where you never feel anxious or numb again. It’s about the process of learning to trust yourself and your body again. It’s a long road, and it’s okay if it feels messy. You’ve spent a long time surviving; we’d love to help you start living.
Are you starting to recognize some of these “fingerprints” in your own life? You don’t have to wipe them away alone. Let’s talk about how we can help you find your way back to yourself – request an appointment today.
About the Author
Jessica Draughn, LMHC, is the founder of True North Therapy & Wellness and a seasoned licensed therapist with 15 years of experience helping adults across Iowa navigate the “aftershocks” of their history. She specializes in the deep work of trauma recovery, understanding that the symptoms discussed in this post—like that constant “bracing for impact” or the feeling of being “checked out”—are not character flaws, but rather old survival rules that your nervous system hasn’t updated yet.
As an EMDRIA-Certified EMDR Therapist, Jessica goes beyond traditional talk therapy to help clients process stored distress at a physiological level. By integrating this gold-standard trauma treatment with Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), she helps her clients decode their internal alarm systems and move out of responses that no longer serve them. Jessica provides in-person therapy in the Des Moines metro, offering a transparent, grounded space to process the difficult parts of your past so you can reclaim your autonomy and start inhabiting your life with true clarity. At True North, our team also provides secure telehealth options to ensure all Iowans have access to specialized trauma support.